I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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