I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
