A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
