I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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