Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
