I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
