Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
