Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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