She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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