How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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