you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
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I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
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There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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