If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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