Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
