Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
