Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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