there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
