wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
