med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
