Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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