I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just high enough for therapy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
