He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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