My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize