Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
