drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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