I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
