I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
