why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
