We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
