Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
