You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
