two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
