just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
