my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
