he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just want nice things and good sex
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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