My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
