wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
