i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
