mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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