I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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