I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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