Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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