So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
