Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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