I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
