this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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