the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
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Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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