he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
