the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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