Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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