so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
