There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
