sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
