I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
