True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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