it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
