I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
