she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
