I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
