i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
