My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
