So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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