he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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