whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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