That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize