im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
