No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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