Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Randomize
