Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
